A long time ago.

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Light sabers

In a galaxy far, far away.

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DO or DO NOT. There is no TRY.

Darth Vader

No, I'm your father.


You don't know the power of the dark side.

The Force Awakens


X-Wing Fighter

Long live the Rebel Alliance.

March 28, 2012

R.A.W affair

You know sometimes I wish I were a secret agent.Join the ranks of James Bond,Ethan Hunt,Agent Vinod and do all sorta crazy stuff which these guys with guns and babes do.I would be an agent of R.A.W,exuding  raw appeal,and dishing out a load of raw deals to wannabe dictators, anarchists, schizophrenic megalomaniacs and homicidal terrorists,among a host of other scum on the face of this earth.
Girl:You gotta have balls for this kinda work,Agent!
Agent:WTF! I think with them all the time!!

I would be brandishing semi-automatics,high velocity shotguns,LMGs and a host of hi-tech,expensive shit which  doesn't exist. I would be fiddling with X-ray goggles and smile naughtily at the pretty lab-assistant after discovering she is wearing red,lacy lingerie(there is almost always a cute lab-assistant, who wears cuter lingerie or none at all, in spy labs).
Every post-puberty kid's dream come true!

And obviously,I will accidentally shoot somebody/blow away a portion of the room/damage something expensive while I am being given a hands-on tour of all the weapons and gadgets.The whiz-guy with an IQ of 324 who has invented all that awesome stuff will make no attempt to mask his disapproval.To him,my cocky,trigger-happy self is akin to a skin rash he desperately wants to get rid of.Who can blame him?I have that effect on people-bosses,women and baddies in particular.
Hey!What does this button do?Ohh...Look at that wonderful screensaver on your desktop!What?!!!!I blew off half of Russia?Oops!

Every alternate day on a mission,I would be apprehended by some crazy deluded goon ,who will remind me what a pain in the ass I am becoming for him and his bosses.A corny exchange of meaningless gobbledygook would ensue like this-
"Baddie:Say any wise-ass dialogue which you want to be going down in the IMDB Quotes Hall of Shame.Coz it's gonna be your last.
Me:Do you expect me to talk?
Baddie:NO,I expect you to miraculously escape,shut the fuck up and beat the crap out of me.Not necessarily in that order."
Oh never mind us.We are just gonna give you a chance to show off your fighting skills,your amazing ability to stay cool under stress ,make sure you impress the gal and we will be on our way!!

And somehow a fist-fight/gun-fight would ensue where I would disfigure the crony/beat the living daylights out of him/throw him into a pool of crocodiles or sharks or in a cage with some hungry,starving big cat roaming in it.And finish it off with a quip like "Bon appetit!".
Shuttling in and out of hi-tech spy headquarters which are sheltered behind a harmless,innocuous office setup;jumping from and into futuristic cars,snow-mobiles,bikes,space-shuttles,nuclear submarines,dodging bullets,blasting off enemy fortresses,crawling through claustrophobic tunnels,setting Olympic records for high-jumping,long-jumping,sharp-shooting-do all those incredible, mind-blowing , physics-defying feats,and still nonchalantly shrug all that off with a "Aah,all in a day's work." kinda one-liner.'s nothing!It's as simple as brushing your teeth,tying shoe-laces,forgetting you met your fiancee 5 years ago on this very day...Wait what???I ..???!!!Are bapre..Kareena is gonna deep-fry my ass..

And while I am fooling around with genetically modified ultra-virulent pathogens,or tinkering with a nuclear warhead,or fingering a bomb ticking down to annihilation,or twiddling with an impenetrable program which will ultimately get magically unlocked by a password which will pop into my mind at the last moment,I will manage to wear my favorite tuxedo at least once during the whole mission.
It's your TUX!Make it large!!Proudly brought to you in association with  Seagram's Royal Stag.

Inevitably it will be at some kinda gala event hosted by the central baddie or someone close to him.And change my name if it turns out otherwise,but there will always be a sexy,alluring,mysterious woman at this event who will give me a clue to whatever riddle I am trying to unravel.An intimacy will develop.The grave terrorist threat, causing my government to send sleepless nights, will conveniently take a backseat ,while the romantic interlude plays out ,eventually culminating somewhere where there is a bed or something close to it.Hammocks,carpeted floors,sofa or any other soft surface will do just fine,thank you.
Err..sorry to interrupt..But my grand diabolical plan of world domination has been waiting for you to stop it since the last two hours!!!Get done with it already!!

My missions will be exceedingly difficult,so difficult that they could only have been entrusted to a reckless,womanizing,over-confident agent like me.And somewhere during the mission,someone or the other would ask for my intro,giving me the perfect opportunity to shoot off the line I have spent 3456 hours rehearsing in front of the mirror.I am a Bong,and given the peculiar way we pronounce things,well...
My name is Binod.Agent Binod.Ba..Ba...Binod..Va...Vinod nahin..
Of course,these days with all the hi-fi computer wizardry which the good-for-nothing villains employ,I would  have no choice but to rely on a computer nerd of a sidekick who is fantastic at cracking open programs and cracking up the audience with his goofy doofus antics,and who is not much  good at anything besides.But miraculously towards the end of the mission,he will save my ass.Somehow.I don't know how.The details vary from mission to mission.But he will.
Weirdly, sometimes the nerd doubles up as the glam-doll heroine.Yeah,yeah. I know.Must have given all her nerdy classmates a hard time concentrating on their textbooks while pursuing Nerddom in the University of Geek-ville.
Watch my glasses come off.As well as my inhibitions...

Top all that off with a chart-buster of a theme music,and Agent Binod is ready to rock your world!!And this brings me to the point as to why,why and why,I desperately want to do a Agent Binod.It will give me a chance to do this-

Sing and dance like a clown to Pyaar Ki Pungi.What more can a suave,sophisticated,debonair agent ask for??!!!!
So sing along with me folks.Give it up for Agent Binod...
"Gaane Ke Piche Hai Taala
Ghusun Kahaan Se Main Saala
Court Ki Khidki Khuli Hai
Khidki Ke Neeche Hai Naala
Khidki Pe Koi Khada Hai
Iran Ka notice Bhida Hai 
Maze Udaati Hai Meri 
Sue Ki pooch Maarke
(An Iraninan Band sued Pritam  for lifting the song,you see.:)
Oo Meri Jaan, O Meri Jaan
Mere Ko chor Bana Kar
Kahan Chaldi Kahan Chaldi 
Gaane Ki Pungi Bajakar.."

P.S.I am pretty happy today.A friend of mine finally cracked the interview she so deeply wished to bag.GIve it up for her,folks!!!And while you are at it,don't forget to give it up for Agent Binod as well.It's B-inod.Ba--ba..Not Va...:-P



  1. Hehahaha! Awesome!...Lab secretary! Bwahahahaha! too much Rahul Ji! :D Loved the post!

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  2. Bwhahaha! Hilarious! Hats off to your imagination :P
    The song is AWESOME (your version)
    Congrats to your friend :)

  3. Haha, I guess every one of your friends should crack their interviews so that you'll be happy every day ;)

  4. Ahem...'glasses'-waali change ho gayi? :P

  5. This was damn FUNNY and the lyric piece in the end is epic :) ...neway , my first visit

    1. Sry I couldnt get the comment box that old blogspot problem! So I m commenting here!
      Awesome yaar! How do u write so gud! I wish I cud write this good! :)

    2. @Prisms I am glad at least someone found it funny!!!:-)Thanks

    3. @Roohani :-) Ahh well,just a handful of people commented.So I guess this post wasn't that good.:-D But thanks anyway..

  6. While you got Austin Powers you seem to have forgotten Johnny English!!! I prefer those secret agents to the James Bond or the Saif varieties.