Trying not to love you

Rohit stated incredulously, "Really? Your eyes didn't sting or anything? I mean not even a teeny weeny bit?"

Monica shook her head with a naughty stubbornness. "No, I didn't cry a bit!"

"You're such a guy!" Rohit's lips broke into a teasing smile. "How could anybody hold back the tears after watching Barfi 's ending?"

"Seriously,what size bra do you wear?" Monica remarked, a hint of mischief twinkling in her eyes. "I'm not so  girly and emo like you!"

"Hey!" Rohit laughed and replied. "I'm just nice, friendly, and I've never been in rehab. An ISO 9001 certified decent guy!"

"Whatever!" Monica rolled her eyes dismissively.

Rohit pretended to bring something from his back. With his fist holding that imaginary object, he brought it to his nose, closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. He then opened his eyes, crouched on his knees and presented Monica with the dreamed-up article. He smiled sweetly as he looked up at her.

Monica's face lit up in amusement as she pretended to be touched. "Flowers?! How thoughtful!"

Rohit got up on his feet, brushing off imaginary dust off his clothes. He immediately flashed a bright smile, raising his left hand and opening out the thumb and index finger below his lips. Like Ranbir Kapoor used to do in 'Barfi'.

Monica burst out laughing. "So you're Barfi now? And we are what..playing dumb charades, is it?"

He threw both his arms outwards animatedly and took a bow. He then extended his right arm to her, as if asking for her hand.

"You asking me out?" Monica touched her chest and blinked her eyes repeatedly, feigning disbelief at her good fortune.

Rohit nodded and smiled happily.

Monica's eyes gleamed wickedly and she said irritably, "Look, I, I tried calling you. I've got an awful headache, and a stomach ache, and several highly contagious diseases. I’m afraid tonight won't work out."

Rohit, like the textbook definition of a sensitive guy, looked crestfallen.

Monica pouted her lips and made a sad face. "I'm sorry."

Rohit pointed to the non-existent flowers.

"Well, yes, the flowers are nice," she agreed.

Rohit began prancing around, picking off flowers from hard to reach imaginary trees and bushes.

"You went to so much trouble?" Monica made a puppy face.

Rohit pointed to her.

"Just for me?"

Rohit nodded.

"How thoughtful. But, well, I'm really not feeling well..."

Rohit made a long face, grunted and looked away.

Monica couldn't help grinning. "Gee, I hardly ever meet a guy who's willing to show his feelings. Oh, well. Just a short one, okay ?"

The deaf and mute Barfi was all-smiles again.

"So. .. What did you have in mind for this evening?" Monica looked questioningly at him.

Rohit mimed eating.

"Dinner." Monica said out aloud.

Rohit mimed dancing.

"Dancing," she exclaimed gleefully.  "I love to dance."

Rohit mimed kissing.

"Uh, let me tell you where I'm coming from,  Barfi," Monica started to protest. "It's just, well, you seem very nice, and your style is very... retro, but I’m just not into dating for dating's sake any-more. I finally think I'm ready to develop something... substantial."

Rohit pointed to himself, indicating that he was substantial.

"Oh, I'm sure you're very substantial, but, well, I am playing for keeps, and I want someone who could take care of me."

Rohit flexed his biceps.

"But who's still sensitive."

Rohit pointed to the fictional flowers.

"And who isn't afraid of intimacy."

Rohit mimed kissing.

"I meant emotional intimacy," Monica stomped her foot and stated angrily.

Rohit grunted, "Oh.” He cocked his head sideways, rested his cheek on his fist, and started writing in the air with his other hand.

Monica lifted her eyebrows. "What are you doing? A poem?"

Rohit nodded. He mimed a globe.

"The world...," Monica tried to decipher.

Rohit nodded and then mimed craziness.

"Is crazy."

He enthusiastically bobbed his head up and down, and then he stood firmly with his feet shoulder width apart. 

"We're standing-"

Rohit looked down, as on the edge of a precipice.

"On the edge of... of..."

Rohit brought his hands very close together, indicating a small word. 

"A, an... On the edge of an..."

Rohit repeated the small word gesture.

"Uh... A!"

He mimed urinating.

"Eww! What? Urinal?... Pee?... Piss?"

Rohit agreed enthusiastically, and motioned to group the two together.

"We're standing on the edge of an a-piss... abyss! We're standing on the edge of an abyss." Monica almost jumped in elation.

He pointed to his eye, and drew a straight line towards her.

"But...I...see...you."

He mimed ”small word " again and then nodded when she got it.

"A, and..and..."

He pointed to her and mimed her shape.

"You... you are a Coke bottle."

He shook his head disapprovingly and continued.

"You have a have nice figure."

He brought his arms outwards, indicating ”more. ”

"You're beautiful."

Rohit nodded affirmatively.

"But I see you and you're beautiful."

He touched his heart.

"My heart..."

He filled his heart.

"Is filled..."

He mimed ”small word" then nodded.

"With? My heart is filled with..."

Rohit pretended to pick up two sticks, rub them together, and make fire. Monica stared at him curiously, unable to figure him out.

He then pretended to burn a finger. He covered it with his mouth.

"Oh, you've burned your finger. You have a blister. So you wanted to say- My heart is filled with blisters?"

Rohit asked her to repeat and repeat, and then he stuck his hand over her mouth in mid-word.

"My heart is filled with blisters. My heart is filled with blis.."

Rohit stopped.

"My heart is filled with bliss."

Rohit bowed gallantly.

"Oh, that was adorable." Monica squealed in delight.

But Rohit wasn't finished. He came close to her and rubbed his finger lightly against her eyelids. He then held out the finger for her to see.

"Mascara? My mascara?"

Rohit nodded and while looking intently at her, rubbed that finger from below his eye to his cheek.

"Huh?"

Rohit rubbed his eyes, pretending to cry.

"Tears? Tears...Mascara ...Mascara running down my eyes."

Rohit pointed to his watch and then at her.

"Time. When. When you've mascara running down your eyes."

He nodded again and then encircled his arms as if hugging someone.

"Hug? I want to hug you. When you've mascara running down your eyes, I want to hug you."

He mimed ”small word " again.

"And?"

Rohit's eyes brightened and he brushed his finger over his right ear.

"Brush hair over ear. When you've mascara running down your eyes, I want to hug you and brush your hair over your ear."

Rohit grinned grandly.

"That was freaking awesome!!!!" Monica's voice danced.

"So," Rohit finally spoke, "you felt any real connection between us two?"

"Um," Monica replied haltingly. "Rohit...I don't know...I.."

"Hey, chill!" Rohit chortled. "Just messing with ya! So when is your date coming? It's ten already."

Rohit and Monica were standing on a lonely footpath, a couple of minutes walk from the theater where they had just watched Barfi a little while ago.

"Do I look okay?" A little bit of anxiety crept into Monica's voice as she straightened her dress. "Is this too tight?  Not tight enough? What do you think?"

"He he. Okay doesn't even begin to cover it. I hope he doesn't stand you up though." Rohit looked into the distance, waiting for any headlights to show up.

"He better not," Monica said grimly. "I'm gonna kick his ass otherwise."

"Looks like his sorry ass heard you," he said cheerily. "Here he comes." 

A Swift Dzire pulled up shortly in front of them. Rohit momentarily froze as he saw the reflection of them,  standing together,  framed on the car window. Monica's lustrous black hair outlined her oval face like an exquisite wavy casing and it cascaded over her creamy-white bare shoulders like a soft waterfall. But it was her eyes which always got him. Those dark eyes, so knowing and secretive. Eyes which kept thoughts enticingly closed, an imposing wall filled with memories and speculation. It was just too tempting to scale that wall. Without permission. 

The reflection drowned as the car window rolled down. A head with a shock of wavy hair bobbed out and said, "Hi Mon. Hey Rohit. Sorry for.."

"You're late, you ass!" Monica folded her arms and burst out.

"Hey, Money honey..got caught up," the guy apologized. "I'll make it up to you. Promise."

"We shall see," Monica said unrelentingly. As she got into the car, she poked her head out and said, "Rohit, thanks a lot. See ya tomorrow, okay?"

"Hey, Rohit, thanks for watching over her," the guy smiled. "Bye. Good night."

Rohit just smiled weakly in response. It didn't escape Monica's notice.

As the car peeled away the footpath, Rohit thrust his hands into his jeans pockets and started walking. He had no wish to come out with Monica tonight. But she had insisted. And although the idea of baby-sitting her while they waited for her boyfriend had turned him off like a bag full of cockroaches, he still relented. 

Just then, his cellphone beeped. It was a message from Monica.

"Hey, you okay, nah? Everything cool? You looked a bit off."

Rohit's fingers flew as he punched in his response. "OK? I'm fallin apart jus thinking of you 2 getting cozy together in dat car of his. :-P LOL. Just 4get abt me and njoy urself.:-D".

Two seconds later, his cellphone beeped again. It was her. "Jerk!:-P Fk u!"

Rohit smiled to himself, as his fingers moved to the music player of his phone, scrolled through the playlist and finally selected a number. He resumed walking, as the sound of the song, "Trying not to love you" by Nickelback, filled the silent night air. 

The End

Read More

A Life Les Ordinary-II

"Finding out the gal you are totally nuts for is a lesbian?Ouch!Must have hurt," Satish tried to sympathize with Rohit.

"I still can't fucking believe it," Rohit grunted in response.

"And she had nothing to say about all this?" Satish asked curiously.

"Yeah.'I was born this way and I can't help being who I am',that's all," Rohit jaw tightened.

"No fancy explanations,huh?" Satish asked again.

"None."

~~~~~~
10 kms away,in her 2 bedroom apartment,Riya and Annesha were having a heart-to-heart too.
"Gosh!I'm feeling so bad about this," Annesha looked guiltily at her friend."We shouldn't have drunk so much yesterday.We screwed up bad,didn't we?"

Riya said grimly,"He had to find out one day or the other."

"I can't help feeling bad for Rohit," Annesha shook her head sadly."Poor chap."

"He's a nice guy,"Riya's tone became softer."It's tough for him,I know."

"I wish he didn't have to find out this way though,"Annesha looked at her friend, expecting a response.

"How do you think he is coping?" Riya asked after a moment of silence,more to herself than to anyone else.

~~~~~~
"Okay?????????!!" Rohit screamed as he paced the floor frantically."How the fuck do you think I'm gonna be okay??My gf and her good-for-nothing buddy are together at her apartment right now.Banging each other away to glory,for all I know."

"Technically,there'd be no banging,"Satish pointed out."Just licking,fondling and cuddling.But...I get your point."
When a guy gets one thing straight- that his girlfriend is not,he needs a reliable guy to take one's troubles to.And Satish could be relied on with blind faith to say something utterly inappropriate in all such circumstances.

"Spare me that tongue-in-cheek humor." Rohit's eyes narrowed as he looked at his friend.Totally peeved.

"Tongue?"Satish's lips curled into a half-smile."Isn't that what your gf and her lesbian friend must be using right now???!"

"Fuck you!" Rohit uttered,utterly vexed.

"What?" Satish eyes lit up with mischief,"You want us to end up banging each other?Thanks,but I'll pass."

Rohit mumbled some curses in frustration.

~~~~~~
"He must be screaming his heart out to that useless friend of his...Satish," Riya said."He can become quite a cry baby sometimes."

"And Satish is a great confider?" Annesha queried.

"Far from it,"Riya chuckled."You know the type of guy who stays away from women...because they're too scared???...and then sit back and make fun of all people in committed relationships?"

"Oh boy!!The perfect guy to take your relationship problems to,"Annesha grinned.

~~~~~~
"Hey,you know this reminds me of a joke,"Satish said in a jocund tone.

"Yeah,shove it up your ass,"Rohit answered without looking up.

"I'll tell it to you anyway,"Satish continued, unperturbed and merrily."Question-how can you tell a tough lesbian bar?"

"Lots of chicks singing folk-songs about the.... empowering experience?"Rohit ventured,forcing a smile.He needed to diffuse his steam and a few laughs wouldn't hurt.

"He he,no," Satish guffawed."The answer is-even the pool table won't have balls."

Rohit couldn't help chuckling.

"You know there is always this thing I was curious about with lesbos and gays,"Satish put on a thoughtful face."Who decides who gets to be the man in the relationship?"

Rohit didn't answer.He just kept on looking into the distance, and Satish continued."Hmmm...Riya is the more assertive one.Yep.That's gotta be it."

"What makes you think they need to crack their heads over that kinda thing?"Rohit presently said.

"What?"Satish blinked at his friend.

"Gays won't necessarily need pre-outlined gender roles,would they?"Rohit said after reflecting a bit.

~~~~~~
"This thing about Rohit.." Riya said to her friend as she huddled a pillow on her sofa,"..he is just so easy to talk to regarding a number of things.He always tries to figure out another person's POV."

"Uh.huh?"Annesha spoke.

"He is the first guy I technically didn't say 'no' to," Riya went on."The others before him...I just had to shoot down..."

"Coz he is different?"

"Kind of,"Riya bit her lip thoughtfully."I mean when I am with him,our conversations happen outside of some societal weight.... or expectation of norms.... you know..."

"Perfect male buddy for a lesbian to have,huh?"Annesha said with an amused expression.

~~~~~~
"Any romantic relationship....homosexual or otherwise... always has a dominant one and a submissive one!" Satish raised his voice."Someone leads.The other follows."

Rohit kept silent.He had never been much for pre-set, narrowly defined ways in which relationships were expected to behave.If you take away what everyone tells you it means to be a man or a woman and what that implies for how you supposedly must exist in the world then, well, you just have a bunch of people trying to adapt to a changing world and do the best they can while caring for and loving the people around them.

~~~~~~
"Look,you know how I've been.No one ever told me to wait for a Prince Charming to arrive on a white horse. I didn't grow up with roles and expectations around how my relationships would function.I could easily tell Rohit all that.He used to get me,"Riya said as she fiddled with her cell phone.

"A very understanding kinda guy,huh?"Annesha asked sympathetically.

"Very."

~~~~~~
"What do you think they must be doing right now?"Satish asked Rohit.

"Planning their children,for all I care,"Rohit answered sourly.

"Like who will give birth to the baby and all that?"Satish grinned mischievously.

"And ask me to be the sperm donor?"Rohit smiled wryly."Nah.I guess adoption is the route they are gonna bet on."

Satish's grin got wider."He he,maybe they are quarreling over whose career would be more important than the other after they have children."

Rohit replied with a smirk,"Yeah.Fighting over how to divide housework and childcare on top of that!"

~~~~~~
"But he's very moody,"Riya said."He will cry and whine like a baby sometimes.Say stuff which he doesn't mean.Just because he is hurt."

"Looks like you know him better than he might know himself,"Annesha said appreciatively.

"Maybe I do,"Riya replied."Which makes me feel all the worse for it.I should have said no to him three months ago."

"Hmmm.If you don't love him,maybe you should't have led him on.I am not judging you or anything.Just saying."

"Who said I don't love him?"

"You do?"

"I love a number of men, but have never been interested in them romantically.And out of them,I love him the most.I can say it as many times as you wish me to.I love him.Seeing him hurt makes me hurt.And knowing I caused this pain..well...." Riya's voice trembled a bit as she left her sentence unfinished.

Annesha went over to Riya's side of the couch to hug her.As her friend held her,Riya went on,"I don't go about my life or reach out to my friends for companionship or advice because of their gender.I hate grouping my male friends and my female friends into separate categories of human beings.I mean,it sometimes feels weird that I have to think that they are inherently different in what they have to offer just because of their chromosomes."

"Yes but...unlike me...you are an out and out homosexual,"Annesha said soothingly."I have bisexual tendencies.But I know I can still get attracted to a guy.That's why Akash and I are still going strong.But you can never feel attracted to Rohit.It simply won't work."

"Yeah,"Riya sighed."I know.It's just...I don't want to lose him...that will hurt me too much.You know something?"

"What?"

"I wish he were gay too.That way he would never get attracted to me.And we would still remain friends."

~~~~~~
"I should've seen it coming," Rohit said quietly."The signs.They were all around."

"Hmmm?"Satish's tone became querulous.


"Never wearing make-up, always wearing baggy clothing.Because typically she was not trying to attract men."

"Interesting,"Satish pinched his chin thoughtfully."And most of her friends are male."

"Exactly," Rohit snapped."She feels more comfortable with people she is not sexually attracted to.And there's something more."

"What?"

"Whenever I used her laptop,I found her browser history always clean."

"You mean to say.." Satish began questioningly.

"She used to check out lesbian porn,dammit!!!!Something she didn't want others to see."

"Nice deduction,Sherlock,"Satish looked amused.

"What're you doing?"Rohit asked Satish as he saw his friend intently twiddling with he QWERTY keyboard of his phone.

"Tagging you."

"What?"

"Yup.I updated my FB status-@Rohit Gupta cannot think 'straight'.Courtesy @Riya Basu."


"Are you outta your freaking mind?"Rohit shouted.

"Relax,cry baby,"Satish chortled."Just messing with ya.I didn't put that on my wall or anything."

"Fuck you!If people read that,they will think I'm gay.And not Riya."

"If you were gay,there would be no problems to begin with,"Satish said with sarcastic relish."You would have been the gay best friend which every good looking babe wants to have."

"Screw you!!"Rohit growled.

"You are using the terms 'fuck you' and 'screw you' quite frequently today.Makes me wonder.Are you gay?Like you have latent feelings for me or something?'Coz I'm totally straight." Satish made a faux-scared face as he shot off his joke.

"Fu.." Rohit started and then swallowed his words.Satish laughed out.

"I should just go ahead and break up with her,right?"Rohit asked after his friend had stopped laughing.

"Nyah.You should stick with her.Who knows you might get lucky."

"What?"



"You might land yourself in a threesome,you idiot!!" Satish grinned a toothy smile."Think about it."

~~~~~~
It was a Sunday.And the following day,it was back to office for Rohit and Riya.They worked at the same place.Rohit maintained a stoic,stubborn silence all the time Riya was in his vicinity.Finally Riya gave in,and confronted him near the coffee machine.

"We need to talk,Rohit."

"Ok.Talk,"Rohit crossed his arms.

"Not here.My place.Evening."

"Your place?Won't I be invading your and Annesha's privacy?"Rohit poured in a good helping of sarcasm into his tone.

"Annesha left yesterday night.And would you stop being so childish?"Riya couldn't mask her vexation.

"Childish? Woaah!I learn my gf is actually more interested in playing for the opposite team than mine.And I'm supposed to be all cool and calm about it!!Right??"

"That's what we need to talk about,Rohit.Gawd!Stop creating a scene here,"Riya almost pleaded.

"You were just playing me all the time!"Rohit accused.

"I wasn't."

"Oh yeah!Why did you hide this tiny little detail about your sexual orientation then?So insignificant it slipped your mind,eh?"

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me?You make me laugh.Why on earth would you care about hurting me?It's not like you're in love with me or anything." Rohit's annoyance was growing steadily.

"I may not be in love with you.But I sure as hell do love you."

"Now,that's a new one."

"Why does love always have to be about romance and stuff?Is your definition of love really so narrow?"

"Ohh...so ..lemme...see...if I got this right...Riya Basu loves me...like someone loves her pet dog..right?"

"My gawd,Rohit.You are being so impossible right now."Riya shook her head in disappointment.Deep down,she knew Rohit didn't mean a word of what he was saying.He was babbling just because he was in too much pain.She wished she could ease his misery.But he wouldn't let her.

"Look,Riya,"Rohit's voice now took on a guilty softness."Things haven't been easy for me since this Saturday night.One moment,I'm head over heels in love with someone.And the next,I discover she’s less turned on by men than she is by women.It's just too much to process for me."

"I know,Rohit.I know,"Riya locked her eyes with Rohit's."But I wasn't using you.For god's sake,please don't make yourself believe that.That's as far from the truth as it can get."

"I dunno,"Rohit looked down at his feet."I need time."And he turned and left.Leaving Riya alone at the coffee machine.

~~~~~~
"Trouble is,I can see exactly how Rohit is feeling right now,"Riya said into the phone."He loves me like crazy, but if he's giving me all of himself, it's so normal for him to want the same from me.I feel so guilty for putting him through all this."

"I think the best thing to do is kinda start easing out of the relationship and try to preserve the best-friendship while it might be possible,"Annesha spoke into the other end of the line."That's the most he can get from you."

Riya was about to say something when her door-bell rang."Hey,I'll call you back,"she said and hung up the phone.She ran to the door,hoping it was Rohit.

It was just the cable guy,asking for the rental.

After sending him away with the money,Riya plopped dejectedly down on her sofa.She was about to call back Annesha when her bell rang again.She went tentatively to the door.To her relief,this time it was Rohit.

"I'm so glad you came,"Riya managed to say with a smile.

"Yep.I've a lot of talking to do myself,"Rohit replied,brushing his hand through his hair in that cute way.

"Ok,you first then,"Riya responded.

"Look,I've been thinking,"Rohit's voice became flat and grave."A lot.And I realized I cannot....I do not want to break up with you because you like girls.But if I don’t,what's in store for me? You're never gonna be with me both emotionally and sexually.And that's guaranteed to wear me down eventually."

"I do not want to break up with you,Rohit,"Riya's voice suddenly assumed a steely resolve.

"Why?Just because you're feeling too guilty to call it quits?"

Riya didn't have an answer to that.Somehow,she knew Rohit was right.
"Maybe it's just time to move on,"Rohit said.

"Rohit,don't go away,"Riya felt ashamed of herself for saying these words."I need you."
He was her emotional support, he was already the best friend.
And although her better judgement dictated otherwise,her heart was just not ready to let go.

Rohit quickly took her in his arms and hugged her tightly.He didn't want to leave her.The very thought scared him like hell.She was the only girl he ever truly loved.

But she wiggled uncomfortably in his embrace.And he knew.

"It isn't gonna work,is it?"he said,looking into her eyes.

"No."She wished it did though.Deeply so.

He unwrapped his arms from around her and said,"You know it is funny."

"What?"Riya asked curiously.

"See,all of us go about life,debating an abstract painting and being absolutely sure that what we see in the art is the correct interpretation," Rohit smiled smugly.

"What're you getting at?"

"When you move beyond what you're told you're supposed to be because of biology, the potentials are endless," Rohit looked over her shoulder to the wall behind as he uttered these words."Whatever gender means or doesn't mean is a shifting more and more every day."

"Yes," Riya's voice warmed.She was again beginning to realize why she liked Rohit so much."Strictly held beliefs fall by the wayside and the world changes.Today's convictions become fables of tomorrow."

"Precisely.Life is slowly lacking defined lines clearly pointing out what things should necessarily look like."

"Is that a bad thing?" Riya's gaze searched Rohit's eyes questioningly.

"No.Not at all." And saying this,Rohit bent his head and planted his lips passionately on hers.This time Riya didn't feel uncomfortable.Not the slightest.The remained like that for a full minute.

As Rohit finally withdrew,Riya asked,unable to contain her surprise,"Woaah!Did this....mean anything?"

"You tell me.Was it good?" Rohit smiled down at her.

"Yes.Very...very good,in fact." Riya's voice trembled noticeably and her cheeks became red.

"Good.It was a good-bye kiss." And saying this,he left.For good.

And surprisingly,neither Riya nor Rohit felt it could have ended any better.Love stories are usually of two kinds.Either the guy gets the gal or he doesn't.But just as there are people who don't identify along the binary of expected male or female roles,so are there some stories,which don't belong to either.

~The End~

Read More

A Life Les Ordinary

Love stories are generally of two kinds.Either the guy gets the gal or he does not.This one belongs to the third.

Rohit and Riya were walking barefoot in the sand.Amidst a soothing night breeze and the sound of waves crashing on the shore,Rohit knew there couldn't be a better time and place to do what he had in mind.He suddenly stopped walking to Riya's surprise.It was quite dark and the moon shone from behind the clouds quiet faintly.Rohit could barely make out Riya's expressions as he heard her chuckle,"Stopping in a lonely dark beach where no one is watching?I hope you don't want to rape me."

"What if I do?" Rohit joked back."The idea does seem inviting.Judging by the way you made yourself look tonight."
Rohit was earnest about the latter half of his statement.He could keep smelling the sweet scent of her jasmine perfume all night.The stirring which he felt each time when her bare arm grazed against his was indescribable.The shine the moonlight made when it bounced off your smooth shoulders was something he could never get enough of.

"A deluded dude," Riya began merrily,"who thinks throwing some rehearsed lines at a chic is gonna impress her......a forgetful doofus..... who has forgotten I have a Black Belt in karate.....all potential ingredients of a guy who is gonna get beaten up very badly today at my hands,I should say!!!"

"Well that might actually happen today!" Rohit grinned."But not for the reasons you mentioned."

"He he.Why?" Riya's eyes shone mirthfully."You got something more sinister planned in that big skull of yours?"

Rohit brought out his cell and pressed the 'Unlock' key.His cell had a strong back-light which shone quite brightly.Riya's face gleamed eerily in its whitish glow.Rohit felt his heart skip a beat.Maybe two.He couldn't be sure.

"Here,"he handed his still lit up cell-phone to her."Take a look around."

Riya took his phone with an amused quizzical expression on her face and shone its light around.She yelped in amazement at what she saw.

There all around them was a huge heart shape drawn in the sand.On one arc of the heart,the name Rohit was scrawled.On the other,there was Riya.
"My gawd!!!" Riya shrieked in delight."This thing is as big as your living room!"

"Oh well,I've a big heart!" Rohit smirked."And you are standing in it right now!"

"Hmmm," Riya put her hands on her hip with a mischievous look on her face."What if I trample on it?You sure you have a spare heart in your  car for the heart-broken ride home?"

"I don't want to sound corny,but...if I did I would have given that to you as well," saying this,Rohit brushed his hand through his hair in a way which Riya always found cute and endearing.

"What??"Riya guffawed."So that I can break that too?"

"Would you do that?" Rohit locked his eyes with Riya's in an earnest gaze.

"Umm..."Riya shifted uncomfortably,dragging her foot in the sand a bit."You mean you are serious about all this?"

Serious?Serious would be an understatement.For the last two months,ever since they had met,Riya was all he had thought of.He didn't recollect anyone he had been more comfortable with.She was the kind of gal with whom he could discuss anything about.Being prude was simply not in her behavior's lexicon.While talking with her,Rohit often forgot that he was talking to a girl.Her inhibitions regarding talking on certain topics were surprisingly low for a chic.There had been multiple instances where they had even rated together gals on the scale of attractiveness.Typical guy stuff.But Riya was surprisingly easy to talk to regarding all these things.She could easily make guys feel at ease.You didn't have to worry about ruining your impression using loose guy-talk when she was around.

Rohit had come to this beach alone earlier in the evening and had drawn the heart in the sand using a bucket as a shovel.He had then finger-written their names in the sand.Never too proud of his own handwriting,he had washed and rewashed the writing away a dozen odd times before he was finally satisfied.

"Ohh.." Rohit suddenly became tongue-tied."I guess you always saw me as Just Friends material,huh?" was all he could mumble.

"Rohit,I'm sorry,"Riya looked guilty."I'm sorry if I've led you on.I know we gelled very well in the last couple of months.....I really like your company..But..."

"Hey,it's cool," he tried to put up bravely."You were just being friendly.I guess I misunderstood....I should be the one saying sorry..I..."

"Don't Rohit."

"No,I meant...."

"I said,don't.You've nothing to be sorry for.I kinda knew...."

"You knew?"

"Yeah..this has happened before.I get close to some guy.And he starts thinking I'm into him."

"Happens to a lot of women,I guess,"Rohit looked uncomfortably down at his feet."I'm sorry you had to face this again."

"It happens a lot with women,yes.And believe me...It happens A LOT with me," Riya looked steadily at his face now."I guess I must be doing something wrong."

"Look I'm saying it again.I'm sorry...let's forget this ever happened,ok?" Rohit looked up and said clumsily.
"Will you forget this ever happened?" Riya's gaze into his eyes bore deeper."That easy,is it?"

"What's the option?" Rohit now matched her gaze."You don't .....you don't feel anything for me..No point thinking over it,is there?"

"Who said I don't feel anything for you?" The timbre of her voice suddenly shifted.

"You do?"

"Yep.You're not like other guys.It's very easy to talk to you."

"That's got nothing to do with me.Guys feel it is easy to talk to YOU!"

"Do they?" Riya smirked mischievously.

"Yeah.Cross my heart." Rohit smiled.

"Even then,you are much nicer to talk to than most other folks," Riya's voice grew warmer."You don't come with a baggage of preconceived notions of what is right and what is wrong.You're very accepting of a lot of things.I like that.A lot."

Rohit didn't reply.He just brushed his hand through his hair in that cute way which made Riya want to hug him.
"Rohit?" She said suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"How serious are you about me?I mean if I say yes and things don't work out that well between us,will you be ok?"

"Umm..I think I can take a heart-break," his smile poured goofiness."Guess things ain't that serious." Even as the words left his mouth,something occurred to Rohit and he immediately added,"Wait..was that a trick question?Was the correct answer supposed to be something else?"

Riya's tight lipped smile grew wide."Gotcha!!"

"Gotcha,what?" Rohit burst out confused."Yes?No?What is it?"

"He he," Riya chuckled tantalizingly.

"Gawd,Riya!!!Say it...."

"Are you up for a probation?" Riya's eyes gleamed as she cocked her head to one side teasingly.

"Probation?"

"Let's stay together and see how things work out between us,ok?" Riya's tone became serious now."I am not saying yes right now."

"And you're not saying No either," Rohit's hopes sore.

"No,I'm not," she smiled again.

"And when does this probationary period end?"Rohit grinned.

"It's not even started and you're already aching for the end?" Riya tittered and then cooed,"No no no!!!You can't fast forward to the ending so fast."

"Ok,I'll take what I can get,"saying this,Rohit took her hands into his.

Riya looked at the happy glow in her friend's face and couldn't help feeling sorry for him.He was a gem of a person.Not perfect.Very much flawed.But he seemed to understand her like very few others did.Despite everything,the truth was-she didn't love him.And she never could.No matter how much Rohit tried.Or even,she tried.One day,she would have to tell Rohit that.And that would hurt him.She knew.She didn't need to tell him the whole truth.She decided she would try everything in her power to ease things for him.

But,if everything had gone according to Riya's plans this would have just been another ordinary tale.Of a guy spurned by a gal he cared for.The extraordinary part arrived when he did find out the whole truth.And she didn't even need to tell him.Three months later.

It was when Riya's best friend from school,Annesha visited their town.They went to a pub and catching up on good ol' times somehow led to both Riya and Annesha having too much to drink.Rohit had felt highly uncomfortable during their entire outing.Riya and her bosom buddy almost seemed to have forgotten that he existed.They were so busy catching up with each other,that Rohit felt that he was only chauffeuring them around. The pub which they went to had sheltered private booths.As he returned to their booth after paying the bill, the most unexpected sight greeted his eyes.Riya and her friend were in a passionate lip-lock!

Riya was a homosexual.And realizing it...was just about to make Rohit's life a lot les ordinary.

To be continued...

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Almost in love

Ever felt that the train of your life might be headed nowhere? You see the same stations everyday, the same nameless, faceless people getting in and out of your train,the same hustle-bustle around you.You sit by the window wondering when your station will arrive.But it never arrives,and the very next day,you are back on the same train again.And you wonder if you have taken the right train.

Rajiv was feeling the same thing.At 26,and standing in 2012,he realized his train was headed nowhere.He nervously paced the platform of his life,wondering whether the train he wanted would arrive soon.Trains whizzed by. And he stood there waiting.Fidgeting.Anxious that it may never arrive.

But it did!And it was exactly the train he wanted.
Well.Almost!

"Dude,this chic is bad news!" Suresh chirped,while popping a peanut into his mouth."She has had five boyfriends before you!And to top it all,she is not even that hot!!"

"Looks are not..",Rajiv started to reply.

"Stop giving me that shit!" Suresh interrupted,reaching for his glass of beer."You know how it is gonna be like.You are into her today.And one fine day..Poof!!..You won't be able to stand the sight of her anymore.The only reasonable reason for hooking up with a girl who has had five trial runs before you,is if she is incredibly hot!Which she is just undeniably not!!!"

"All I am saying is-I want to give this thing a chance," Rajiv protested,sipping on his beer."Let's see where our feelings take us.It need not be a happily ever after,but hey..it's worth risking.She is an amazing gal!"

"I should say," Suresh muttered."You are talking about a girl whose list of achievements consist of dumping five boyfriends.It's like she gets asked at the interview-where do you see yourself five years from now?And pat comes her reply-dumping five more losers.Starting with a gullible ass called Rajiv!"

"And with a friend like you,I wonder why I still don't have any girlfriends," Rajiv rolled his eyes.

"I am watching your back,son!" Suresh gulped down his beer and wiped his mouth."Preventing your love train from getting hit by the Heartbreak Express!"

"More like you are setting up my train to be stranded at Lonely-ville!" Rajiv grumbled,chugging down his beverage.
~~~
Two months later
"Look must you go back to Mumbai?" Rajiv asked in a pleading tone.

"My parents are there,Rajiv," Shruti said,raising her voice."They want me working in my hometown.Just like your folks want you to stay here in Kolkata!"

Rajiv looked away,without replying.After a moment of silence,he spoke testily,"Guess I am the sixth then."

"What?" Shruti asked with a questioning expression on her face.

"I am the sixth guy you are dumping!" Rajiv opened his arms wide in frustration."I should've figured.Guess hooking up and ditching a guy comes as easy to you as painting your nails or applying your lip-stick!Gawd!I can't believe I couldn't see this coming!!" He moved his hand through his hair in vexation and resentment.

"Rajiv,I did not say I want to break up with you,"Shruti cried out indignantly."I am just saying I am going back to Mumbai.We can still remain together!Many of my friends are in long-distance.And all the hoo-haa about it not working and all..it's just that...hoo haa!My leaving Kolkata isn't going to change anything."

"Not change any..?"Rajiv howled."Look.Let's get real here,ok?Long-distance only works if both parties are chatterboxes who yap about even the color and texture of the aloo sabji they had for dinner.I am not much of a talker,ok?And neither are you!!We will soon run out of topics to phone talk on.And eventually,it will be just Hi..hello...is your cold ok now?Yesterday I came late from office...couldn't call you..And that's it..one fine day,one of us is gonna update on FB that we are single again!!25 likes on your status from all the guys doting on you..and a couple of Sorry Bro's on mine."

"Rajiv,this thing is never gonna work if you go into it with such a half-hearted jerk-like attitude," Shruti shouted at her miffed boyfriend.

"Jerk?You calling me a jerk?This coming from someone who makes a virtual living out of ripping out hearts from her boyfriends?"Rajiv's annoyance was in full steam now.

"Are you even listening to yourself,Rajiv!!What?You smoked something?"

"You wanted the whole thing to end like this,right?" Rajiv shouted out his chagrin."I will date this guy till I get something in Mumbai.Then I'll pretend I still want this relationship to work.Guy will disagree.We break up.You get to tell everyone that Rajiv is such an ass.And no one puts any blame on you!!"

"Dude!!!!" Shruti's hands were on her head now,her eyes wide with disbelief."I think you need counselling.I never hid the fact that I had previous relationships.You said you were ok with it.And now you are acting like a kid who has just been denied his candy and wets his bed in response."

"That's right!!" Her boyfriend blared."Put the whole thing on me!You walk out on me.And the fault is all mine!!I will be the insensitive,immature dip-shit!I can almost hear you go-Ohh you know Shalu!I loved Rajiv.I really wanted it to work.But he was so fucking insecure!!!!!And so possessive!He couldn't even understand my commitment to my parents.He wanted to hog all of me."

"Ok,that's it!!" Shruti lost her patience."Get out of here!!!NOW!!"

"I am getting out of your life!!"Rajiv barked and slammed the door of her flat behind him.

At 2 am,that night,Shruti groggily got up at the sound of her phone's shrill ringtone.It was from Rajiv.
He wants to apologize?Now???!This had better be good!!Shruti grumbled to herself as she hit the Receive Call button.

"Shruti," Rajiv's voice sounded tensed."You gotta help me,please!!"

"Rajiv,what happened?" Shruti couldn't help feeling concerned.

"I am at a police station," Rajiv's anxious voice floated over the phone."They have detained us.I don't want to call my parents.Can you please come and get me out of here?"
~~~
A couple of hours later,Rajiv and Shruti were sitting in Shruti's car, outside a local hospital.
"Thanks for driving us here," Rajiv said,his eyes down,fixated on his shoes.

"Okkk,may I know just what happened here?" Shruti asked incredulously."I receive a call from my boyfriend..who by the way I  had a huge fight with earlier...in the middle of the night!I have to whisk myself away to a police station.And I come to know there that you got into a drunken brawl with Suresh. You even busted his forehead..for which he had to receive ..what?? Five stitches?What the hell is going on,Rajiv?Why are you suddenly behaving like a kid just hitting puberty?"

"Suresh said some nasty stuff at the bar," Rajiv replied slowly ,in guilt mode."I was drunk.I got crazy.I hit him without warning.He started bleeding profusely.The bar manager immediately called the cops on us.And.... you know the rest."

"Wait?What?He said something nasty..and you lost your cool??!!!" Shruti's eyes seemed about to pop out in disbelief."You?Who always claims to be so mature and in control all the time?Fuck!!" Shruti clenched her steering wheel tightly and slammed her back against her seat."It just feels I've been wrong all along about you,Rajiv!!"

Rajiv just kept quiet and stared vacantly out of the car's window.After the customary admonishing about getting into fights and the cliched lecturing on the dipping values of today's youth were over,the cops hadn't wanted to detain them any longer.Besides,Suresh needed immediate medical attention. At that late hour,finding a conveyance became a pain.So Rajiv had called up Shruti.She had a car.It would prove useful in carrying Suresh to the hospital.Suresh was still inside the hospital.The doctor would examine his stitches one last time before letting him go.

"What did he say that got you so mad?" Shruti presently asked,breaking the spell of silence.

"It was nothing." Rajiv replied without looking at her.

"Tell me!!"

"I told you!!It's nothing."

"Look Rajiv," Shruti said testily."I drove all the way from my home 2 am in the night to get your ass out of this sticky mess.You owe me a better explanation than -it was nothing."

"He called you a whore,ok?" Rajiv replied,his eyes now facing her directly."He called you a fucking whore who topped even Draupadi in her whoredom.Draupadi just had five.You broke her record.Suresh said that.He was drunk.I was drunk.Something came over me and I hit him.That's it.That's your story.You happy now?"

It was Shruti's turn to be silent now.After a couple of minutes,she spoke,"Let's go to my place."

"What about Suresh?"

"It's already 4:15,Rajiv.He will be able to find something to get back home in half an hour or so.He can manage ,I think." Understandably,Shruti was in no mood to drive home a guy who had called her a whore.

"Ok.I will text him we are leaving then." And Rajiv fished out his mobile to punch a sms in it.

At Shruti's place,the two made tender love.Shruti suddenly realized how much she meant to Rajiv.For his having to hit his friend of ten years like that.As for Rajiv,he didn't realize anything new.The fact that he couldn't live without her had dawned on him way back anyway.

"Please,don't go," Rajiv pleaded with his eyes as Shruti nuzzled herself into his protective arms.

"Rajiv,I told you..." Shruti softly demurred.

"But,can't you just.."

"Rajiv,drop it.Let's not spoil this moment." Shruti said as she clutched his arm tightly.Amidst all the fondling,all the coddling and his grazing his nose against the nape of her neck, Rajiv couldn't help getting a sickening feeling in his stomach.This might be the last time they would be spending such tender times together.He would miss everything.Their cuddling on the sofa,their huddling on the carpeted floor;the nuzzling,the playing around,the rubbing,the squeezing,the stroking,the toying.Every thing.

Five weeks later,Rajiv opened his FB account to see Shruti's current city changed to Mumbai from Kolkata.She had moved out quietly and hadn't even informed him.Possibly to avoid a scene,he guessed.She had asked some time to be on her own.So for the last five weeks,they really hadn't caught up with each other much.From the way she seemed to end things,it didn't appear that a long-distance relationship was likely either.Suresh had been right.His love train lay derailed after all.

With associated heavy casualties.

Just then,there was a ring of the doorbell.Rajiv opened it to be pleasantly surprised to see Shruti standing outside.
"Shruti???I thought you were in Mumbai!!!" Rajiv stated with incredulous excitement.

"Mumbai?" Shruti asked surprised."Why on earth did you think that?You didn't think.I would at least tell you before I leave?"

"But your FB update?"

"What about it?"

"It says your current city is Mumbai."

"What?" Shruti blinked stupidly.

"Yep.Look." And Rajiv showed her the FB page.

"Ohh dear!!" Shruti shrieked."It must be my sis,Ruchi!! She has access to my account.This is her way of making me know she is seriously miffed at me.I gotta call her right away!!"

"Miffed?For what?"

"For not coming back to Mumbai,stupid!!"

"You are not going to Mumbai?" Rajiv almost jumped in delight.

"No!!" Shruti smiled."I rejected the job offer."

"That means you are staying right here??"

"Right here with you baby!!!" Shruti's eyes glittered with amusement.

Rajiv had done it.He had finally boarded the right train.And it was chugging away to its destination.Right on schedule!

~The End~

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