Acidic

You know,sometimes I wonder about the kind of culture we live in.Five days back,I read in the newspapers that Ritu Saini,a class XI student and a volleyball player,had acid thrown on her face by two youths in their twenties.A year earlier, two bikers had thrown acid on three girl students when they were returning home after their tuition classes.In July 2011,Kiran, a girl of 17, died in Sonipat after two youths on motorcycle had done the same despicable thing to her.

Why did a girl,who is not even out of her teens, have acid thrown on her?'Coz ...wait for it...she had rejected the marriage proposal of the main accused, Sanjay.

The motive in all the above cases is the same.Revenge.For having been snubbed.Proposals of friendship,love,marriage.Apparently permanently scarring the girls is the way to exact revenge for these rejected ass-holes who possess lesser emotional maturity than a drop of bird poop.

I mean,seriously? A girl blows you off and the only thing you can think of doing is targeting her vulnerability in this brutal,sadistic shit-holish way?The entire nation is going crazy about rape and all,while these mother-fuckers are happily spray-painting the faces of women  with muriatic acid.What kind of a sick mind does it take to do that?

Look,I know rejection hurts,alright?It is like being told on your face that no matter what you feel for this person,you are just not good enough for her.And it is hard not to writhe in insult and agonize over how you can possibly get back at her for the world of misery she has drowned you in right now.But dude,the anger is supposed to go away. Rejection is a part of life. You cannot go on obsessing over it like a kid who has just been denied his candy.I mean,permanently disfiguring and mutilating someone?What if someone did the same shit to your mother? Or your sister? Or even you?!!!  That's your solution to the equation of proposal and rejection? Screw you!

And this brings me to the larger picture. How on earth can a girl ever feel safe if scoundrels like these are roaming the streets,lanes and pavements she frequents?Guys who go way beyond just throwing lecherous glances and snide comments.Guys who are in perpetual conflict with their testosterone,aggression and impulse.So much so that they just can't think with their pea-sized brains regarding  the consequences of their actions.

Look,I know a lot of people (guys and gals alike) make a big deal of how a woman chooses to dress and all that.Skimpy outfits attract rapists,or so they say.You know something?It is so F-ing convenient to put the blame on the victim. Even if it was true that women dressing provocatively were more likely to get raped, it would still not be their fault. It is presented as if men had no power over their actions and just couldn't help themselves at the sight of a scantily clad woman.I wonder if this means people can avoid car jackings by driving unwanted cars,or a bike.As far as I am concerned,I don't think dressing more 'appropriately' will help reduce the possibility of a woman getting raped in any way.Having the misfortune of being near a rapist is what increases the chances of being raped, regardless of attire. Opportunities for rapists are not so abundant that they can afford to be very choosy. It's situational or compulsion based.

And you know,all this-this overwhelming plethora of negative feelings and biases against women,this can never prove to be healthy for our culture.Every guy wants a bride who can take care of his parents and his children.They often forget that leaving her family to settle down with another is itself a huge adjustment.And pile on top of it unrealistic expectations like she is gotta be able to cook,manage the house-work, raise the children,haggle with the grocery man for the best prices, and satisfy the hubby at the same time.I mean it is a shit load of work!Being a home-maker is a full time activity which keeps my mom on her toes all the time.And yet,even today we expect a woman who is almost as well educated as us to know how to cook a great meal,how to give a great leg massage to our elders,carry the drinks on a tray into the drawing room whenever guests visit,do this,do that,blah blah and blah.The degrees she might have under her belt don't matter.The effort and money her parents invested in getting her a quality education doesn't matter.All of that is basically a huge preparation phase for her to become the ideal house-wife(read,all-rounder tireless machine with 10 hands to juggle 100 different activities at the same time).

And at the heart of all this is a set of gender-based stereotypical expectations which a man and a woman are supposed to fulfill.A guy is supposed to be the bread-earner.He is supposed to earn more than the girl.And the girl is supposed to return this favor by being the best spouse imaginable.I mean,seriously,festivities like Karwa Chauth and all,what do they mean in today's context?I don't have a problem with women staying hungry wishing for the safety of their husbands.But why isn't there a festivity where a guy does the same for his woman?Why blindly follow a religious practice which so obviously relegate women to a secondary position alongside men?

We are a part of a culture,which has somehow become very comfortable with zero accountability with respect to crimes against women.I wonder,if I have a kid one day,and it is a cherubic little daughter,how the hell am I gonna raise her?It's like every time she steps out of the house,I will be worried sick.I wonder what the lawmakers would suggest women do to protect themselves then.Cover oneself from head to toe with bandages like a mummy straight out of a archaeological dig? Like,don't show any skin at all.Lest the potential otherwise gentle-hearted rapists get tempted to do something ugly.Which,even if it happens,would totally be the fault of my daughter anyway.A tiny fraction of her cheek was showing through the bandages,and the accused(blessed soul) couldn't resist the temptation which she had so provocatively dangled in front of him.She asked for it.C'mon,what was she thinking?

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Power Imbalance

Female empowerment without female equality is a meaningless bag of hot air.Until and unless we recognise the importance of equal and fundamental rights to all the members of the society,the concepts of freedom,justice and egalitarianism go for a toss into the trash can.

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Let's get a load of some figures.Fair warning,it might seem like an overdose of numbers,but without proper data,it is difficult to drill in the truth.

• India, with a population of 1210 million, is the world’s second most populous country. Of that number, more than 60 percent of women are chronically poor.
• Our glorious country is one of the few countries where males significantly outnumber females, and this imbalance has increased over time. In 1901, the sex ratio was 971 females to 1000 males. In 2011,the figure shrunk to 940 .
• India’s maternal mortality rates in rural areas are among the world’s highest.
•  According to UNICEF, Indian accounts for 19 percent of all lives births and 27 percent of all maternal deaths. 
• And this might come as a wake-up call,but the sad truth is-out of the 15 million baby girls born in India each year, nearly 25 percent will not live to see their 15th birthday.18 percent more girls than boys die before their fifth birthday.
  

And you were wondering why there were so few girls around?

From primitive agrarian societies to the contemporary information age, the role of women has changed drastically. The role of a typical home-maker was itself an overwhelming responsibility.It still is.The woman is expected to cater to all the requirements of the households including the rearing and upbringing of children.But human life is in a state of constant flux,subjected to socio-economic and psycho-cultural pressures. The three-pronged Renaissance of Industrialization, Modernization and Globalization has fundamentally altered the role and responsibilities of women.Additional responsibilities,additional roles,as well as the concept of female liberty have been delivered to woman as a package deal which society is still trying to come to terms with.

The scene isn't totally bleak.There has been relatively increasing economic participation from females in past one decade. The educational and occupational demographics have also changed and widened with women entering the domains, which till a decade back was an all-male playing field. India has the world’s largest number of professionally qualified women. India has more working women than any other country in the world. This group includes female workers at all levels of skill, from surgeons and airline pilots to bus conductors and manual laborers. India has more women nationally certified as doctors, surgeons, scientists, and professors than the United States. Over the past decade, India has had five international beauty queens. And yet, on average, women in India are socially, politically, economically, and even demographically weaker than men.Change has taken place,true.But women's rights and freedom still face insurmountable challenges even today.

Women's rights isn't just a thing to talk about.You have to grant her the rights which will safeguard her privileges. You have to respect her basic fundamental rights of speech, freedom and decision-making.You have to respect her right for education and employment. And you have to grant her the POWER and OPPORTUNITY to exercise these rights.Respect her choices,respect her individuality,respect her decisions.

It's all nice and all to be sitting in the 21st century and claiming that our culture has a value-system which is envied by even the progressive Western cultures.But what exactly do these values teach us?Following are some excerpts from the “Laws of Manu” (Manusmriti or Manava-dharmasastra). It is the first and the most important law book (Dharmasastra) of Hinduism.It dates back to the B.C. era.So yeah,it is ancient,but its message is still blindly followed by many even today.

•  by a young girl, by a young woman, or even by an aged one, nothing must be done independently, even in her own house.
• In childhood a female must be subject to her father, in youth to her husband, when her lord is dead to her sons; a woman must never be independent.
•  She must not seek to separate herself from her father, husband, or sons; by leaving them she would make both (her own and her husband’s) families contemptible.
•  She must always be cheerful, clever in (the management of her) household affairs, careful in cleaning her utensils, and economical in expenditure.

The funny thing is-the Indian constitution grants women equal rights with men,at least in letter, but strong patriarchal dogmas persist, with women’s lives shaped by customs that are ancient and are rendered inappropriate in a modern context. You and I can still it in action-in many Indian families, a daughter is viewed as a liability, and she is programmed to believe that she is inferior and subordinate to men. Sons are idolized and celebrated.

Let's take a stock of the problems the Indian Woman grapples with even today.
Maternal Mortality Ratio is 212,which means per 100,000 live births,212 mothers succumb to death during the course of pregnancy.You might wonder why.One reason behind India’s high maternal mortality rate is the reluctance to seek medical care for pregnancy – it is viewed as a temporary condition which will magically take care of itself. Even a woman who has had difficulties with previous pregnancies is usually treated with home remedies for crazy reasons: taking the wife to the doctor is the mother-in-law's or the husband's call to make; money; and fear that the treatment may be more harmful than the ailment.Inadequate prenatal care, delivery in unsafe conditions with inadequate facilities, and insufficient postnatal care-a woman in a rural area has to literally negotiate a land-mine zone to deliver a baby and live to tell about it.

Literacy wise,this is what census has to say-

• According to census held in 2001, the percentage of female literacy in the country is 54%.
• The literacy rate in the country has increased from 18% in 1951 to 65% as per 2001 census. 
• The female literacy rate has also increased from 8% in 1951 to 54%.

Despite these improvements,India still has the largest population of non-school-going working girls.Sixty-one percent of girls are not enrolled in school. Of those who are enrolled, 59 percent drop out before completing grade five.Sad, but true. Compared to a male literacy rate of 82%, the female one cuts a sorry figure at 65%.

Sad,but true.

Male violence against women is a timeless,global phenomenon. Fear of violence is a pervasive factor in the lives of most women. It spreads its ugly tentacles into almost every sphere of activity related to them. Fear of violence is a cause of women’s lack of participation in activities beyond the home, as well as inside it.In India, the problem of violence against women is a result of a long standing power imbalance between men and women. Men have control over access to property and resources. All these lay a fertile soil for female exploitation–physically, mentally, and commercially. Within the home, women and girls may be subjected to physical and sexual abuse as punishment or as culturally justified assaults. These acts shape their attitude to life, and their expectations of themselves.
In recent years, there has been an alarming rise in atrocities against women in India.

• Every 26 minutes a woman is molested.
• Every 34 minutes a rape takes place. 
• And every 93 minutes a woman is burnt to death over dowry.
• In Delhi in 2007, there were 587 reported cases of rape. 
• Of the people arrested in rape cases, 340 were neighbors, 94 were friends and 62 were relatives. Only in ten cases, the accused were strangers.
• One-quarter of the reported rapes involve girls under the age of 16 but the vast majority are never reported. Although the penalty is severe, convictions are rare.

Female infanticide is quite common in Haryana and Punjab because there is a preference for sons because male children carry on the family lineage. The education of sons is also considered much more important. In these two states, the sex ratio is lower than the national average.Punjab scores a measly 893 and Haryana a measlier 877,compared to the national score of 940.

The Indian Woman has to contend with child marriage,dowry,the stigma associated with divorce,and her rights to inheritance are screwed by society in a lot of instances.In the recent past, India’s abysmal gender inequality statistics seem to have taken a turn for the worse. New data shows the country's Gender Inequality Index (GII) worsened between 2008 and 2011, and India now ranks 129 out of 146 countries on the GII, better only than Afghanistan in south Asia.

Evidently,economic independence is one of the most crucial factors contributing to female empowerment.In a country like ours,stregthening women is a gradual and intricate process.It is hard,I am not denying that there are major obstacles to surmount here.A lot of beliefs and perceptions have to be changed. From ancient eras, it has been culturally infused into the minds of the people that women are inferior to men. It is not easy to change the stubborn attitude of the people. In rural India, women have inadequate access to education, health facilities, healthy diet etc.
Thankfully,there are positive trends.In India gradually the percentage of working women is rising. They are slowly extricating themselves from the quagmire of being labelled as a financial liability.
Entrepreneurship and self-employment are other things which can be considered for women emancipation.Entrepreneur women can positively contribute to attain the goal of women empowerment.It offers a lot of benefits-flexibility to play with your own resources,the liberty to frame your own decisions and most importantly,the scope to provide job opportunities for many other deserving women.I cannot stress this enough,because let's face it-India doesn't really afford too many employment opportunities.Self-employment can go a long way in alleviating that issue.
Small-scale industries are another option worth looking at.The small-scale industries sector plays a vital role in the growth of the country. It contributes almost 40% of the gross industrial value added in the Indian economy.It has been estimated that 100,000 rupees of investment in fixed assets in the small-scale sector generates employment for four persons. women can be given training in a specific field like making homemade papads or pickles, handicrafts and many such things and can start their own small enterprise.

Of course,it would be highly unfair to the government,if I say that nothing has been done to improve the lot of women in our country.Laws have been enacted to protect married women,to prevent child marriage,to prevent bigamy,to punish men for domestic violence,and the government has also enacted several welfare schemes for women.But there is a dire need for more mobilization of resources to protect the interests of women.We don't live in a perfect world.A solution to a problem often gives rise to several new problems.But we have to hold on and keep trying.The ideals of liberty and freedom will be doomed if we don't.

P.S.I would like to convey my appreciation for the gesture Stayfree India is undertaking in its efforts to promote ideas for a better ,"irritation" free world.For details,please visit this link:http://facebook.com/sftimetochange
I always held an admiration for the way the Stayfree brand has upheld the rights and liberties of a woman to seek and pursue her well-being and personal welfare.This post is meant to be an entry for the Indiblogger contest organised by Stayfree India.For more details,please visit this link:IndiBlogger StayFree Contest.

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Love and other bugs-Part III

For Part I,go here
For Part II,go here

Life's a bitch.Love even more so.
Life gives you a low-specs low-config PC.Love makes you want to run high-end software on it.
Rohit didn't have the looks or the money to woo a fab babe like Ankita.And yet,here he was.Head over heels in love.With a software which his hardware was gonna choke to death trying to keep pace with.If only life had given his hardware some good hard sense to keep it company!!!!!

To make matters worse,she was leaving him for good!!!!!!

"Woaah!!!Hyderabad?How come I didn't know any of this?" Rohit shot out incredulously at Ankita.

"I didn't know I'd get selected.So decided to wait before telling you."Ankita replied in a tone which seemed rehearsed to Rohit."I'll be leaving by the end of this month."

"But,must you go?What's so bad about Pune?"He sounded desperate.More desperate than he would have wanted to sound.Less desperate than he actually was.

"Rohit,it's paying me 1.5 times my current package!Plus,it's into product development.Not the shitty service-oriented mess we are in.Would you have let it go?"

He wouldn't.
Or would he?If Ankita was around,he might have.He could have thought about it.He could have stayed with her.....stared dreamily into her eyes...thought about what names their kids would have...dreamt about growing all shriveled-up and old together.
And screwed up his career in the process.
Damn you,love!No wonder people hate you so much!!!!

They didn't talk much after that day.He tried to drown all his single-hood and desperation in a sea of booze.But all that happened was that his S.A.D life  became sadder than he had ever thought possible.

Is it  just a weird freaking coincidence that Single And Desperate abbreviates to S.A.D?
Well,I guess we'll never know.
***
And so,on one such booze-induced night,Rohit was returning in a cab from a friend's place.With a sloshed mind occupied only with Ankita's dreamy thoughts.
Her flight would be leaving for Hyderabad tonight.He knew for sure he would miss her.He would miss her so very much.
He would miss  the cute dimples on her face as she talked.He would miss the intense light of a hundred emeralds dancing in her eyes as she giggled.
And he would miss her smile.That smile.

He had once found an oyster at a beach as a kid.His curious fingers had pried it open,and his puerile eyes had been put under a spell by the beautiful white pearl peeping out of it.He never knew just how long he had kept staring at it in stunned awe.That sight had taken his sight captive,and the rest of his senses with it.It was by far the most enticing,the most alluring,the most bewitching experience he had ever had.

Her smile always reminded him of that pearl.


But now that pearl was gonna get clamped up in that oyster forever.

"Hey,turn the cab around!!!!"Rohit hollered."I want to go to the airport!!!!!"

Maybe it was all that booze that made him turn around.Rohit was darn sure it was all that booze.The author is pretty darn sure it was something else.
***
He was drenched in sweat.The four chambers of his heart were beating like the walls of  four 18-inch bass-pounding speakers;the solidness of their output almost drowning out every other sound.

His cab had broken down 2 kms away from the airport.That lousy piece of junkyard shit!!!!With roughly  25 minutes to spare before she boarded her flight,he had made a dash for it.Like his life depended on it.

The stuff love makes you do!!!!

Panting and gasping for breath,he arrived at the airport counter with 12 minutes to spare.They won't let him inside the airport.Not without a ticket.He fished out his debit card to make the 10 grand payment for the earliest flight out of Pune to anywhere.He just had to get inside somehow!!Anyhow!!!!!The thought that all this money might actually go down the drain crossed his mind.Maybe he would be better off just calling her up and telling her not to go.

But no!!That wasn't gonna work.

10 grand!!Dammit!!!Whoever said love don't cost a thing obviously had a sick sense of humor!!!

After a 4 minute long queue for sec check which seemed to drag on forever,he was finally at the waiting lounge.Pune airport is fortunately a very small one.You take 70 odd steps and the entire airport is over.With only just one waiting lounge and about 6 minutes to spare,she shouldn't be too hard to find,should she?

He was wrong.Her flight seemed to have been delayed.And she was nowhere in sight.He frantically looked around,trying to catch a glimpse of her black cascading waterfall of hair.Or her long eyelash-ed eyes.Or her long slender neck......on her gorgeously elegant shoulders.

Nothing.She was nowhere!!!!

"Rohit,what on earth are you doing here??"
He turned around to meet her face to face.She was without any makeup whatsoever but she never seemed so  ravishing before.He could easily pull out his heart,put it in a gift bag cushioned with soft cotton and tissue paper,tie together the floppy handles of the bag with a ribbon,and hand over the bag to her.Just her.

"Ankita,please don't go.I beg you.I love you."
Even a kindergarten kid would have probably proposed  to his puppy love in a more heart-warming fashion.But in these matters, the gift of the gab eluded Rohit eternally.

Why on earth couldn't he just cry his heart out to Rani just like SRK in "Chalte Chalte"?Or maybe have some oldie goldie song ready.A song which she would know he would sing only to his beloved.That sure was a great time-saver trick!!Worked swell for Imran and Genelia in "Jane Tu Ya Jane Na",didn't it?Both these love lost heroes wooed back their lady loves in the airport.

Why the hell couldn't he?

"What?"She almost shrieked."This some kinda joke,Rohit?And how the hell did they allow you in here?"

"Shhh!!!"He moved closer to her and put his finger over her silk-petal-like lips."I spent 10 grand just to be able to spend less than 10 mins with you!Don't take that away from me."

She just stared at him wide-eyed as he resumed speaking."All this talk about feeling complete and everything.I never knew what that meant.Until I met you.I have been going crazy just thinking about you.I am trapped in those thoughts.Funny thing is,I don't think I want any release from them.I want them to stay forever.Just as I want you to stay forever."

"Rohit,I-I don't understand."she said,shaking her head.

"Don't say,you didn't know I like you."He looked at her eyes,searching for the faintest hint of affection in them.

She did know.She had kept herself away from him this whole past month,just so that it would be easy for him to forget her.

"I'm leaving on this flight tonight,Rohit!Nothing's gonna change that."She finally said decisively.

"Look.We can work something out.Don't say No ...pleeeez."

"Like what?Long-distance?That's never gonna work.You know it.I know it.The whole damn world knows it."

"Plllleeeeez don't go!"He almost cried.

"I'm sorry,Rohit.You and me ain't gonna work out.Byee.Take care.I will board my flight now."

"Is there no chance that we..." He stopped mid-way as she turned away from him to join the line of boarding passengers.

He stood rooted to the ground.Hoping,just hoping that she would turn to look at him.See the pain in his eyes,the heaviness settling in his chest,witness every fiber of his being calling out for her to stay back with him.

She didn't glance back at him.Not even once.

He still waited.Until he knew for sure that her flight must have left.Hoping.Just hoping.

He was turning to go away,all lights of his life having dimmed out,when she heard a voice behind him."Hey,aren't you forgetting something?"

She was back?She didn't leave him?Ohh!!!Sweet mother of god!!!!Life wasn't such a bitch after all.

He turned around happily.
Only to see a stranger girl holding a piece of paper in her hands.His 10 grand ticket!!!!Must have slipped out of his pocket.

"Umm.It's ok."He said crest-fallen."I don't need that.I missed the flight I actually came for."And he left.

Little did he know,that the girl holding that ticket would end up holding the ticket to his heart as well.She had seen and heard the entire scene between him and Ankita unfold before her eyes and ears with rapt attention.Her heart went out to him in sympathy.

She was that woman.The one he would have kids with.The one he would lovingly fight with over taking out the garbage.The one.His happily-ever-after delivered to him in a FedEx package.He just didn't know that yet.And neither did she.

But of course,that story was just beginning.:-)

*The End*

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Love and other bugs

Love and gals never made much sense to Rohit.They were to him what modern abstract art is to the vast majority of people.Meaningless and over-rated.

Rohit of course was never alone in this.Just like a million others from Mars,he was totally clueless and confused regarding what made a Venusian tick.Failures might be the pillars of success but where women are concerned,there are probably too many pillars crowding Mars right now.Success just has no room left to breathe on that god-forsaken planet.Hell,it won't be too surprising if it has packed its bags and left for Venus for good.So Mars can just kiss Venus’ arse!


Till now,Rohit’s long spell of Martian single-hood had been punctuated only with short bursts of casual dates and flings.In Rohit’s world,short meant anything from a couple of hours to a couple of days.But definitely not more.Flunking the exam of love came naturally to Rohit.And he flunked royally.

But he debunked chicks royally too.

He was one of the most popular contributors to his company’s internal blog forum.He sprinkled his blogs with liberal doses of vitriolic remarks against gals in general,and hot chicks in particular.Calling grapes sour does not make them sour,but they sure do take away a lot of sourness from the mind.Political correctness and diplomacy be damned.The easiest way to attract the moths of readers’ traffic is to spark the fires of controversy.And Rohit ignited infernos.Hell,some of the comments on his posts used to be bonfires in themselves.Men were all praises for his guts,and women were out for his guts.Rohit relished both.Until on a not so fine a day…

“Hey Mr Ro-shit...so little baby cries himself to sleep every night...wetting his pillows wishing for a gal to luv him?Do you wet your bed too?”

Rohit stared for ten seconds at this ping in the window of his company’s chatting software.It didn’t take a descendant of Einstein to figure out that this small bundle of praise being heaped on him right now was a side-effect of his chauvinistic blogs.Angry brickbats from gals was a part of his life.But till now,they had just been restricted to comments on his blog posts.This was the first time someone had actually pinged him.
So someone finally decided to take the bull by its horns.


”What,cat got your tongue?Or did a chick make you chicken out?” Another ping followed,even before he had the time to come up with a witty repartee.

Rohit squinted at the name.Ankita Agarwala.He didn’t know her.But this bitch was getting on his nerves.His fingers flew over the keyboard.

”Hi,cat didn’t get my tongue.A catwoman did.With sharp claws and all.I wonder why.Had too much of stinky fish to eat,did she?Coz her words sure do stink!!!!”

Ankita’s reply was furiously fast.“Hah!Look who’s talking.Who writes all that shit on blogs about women,shit-head?I had been following you for sometime now.You certainly have some major rejection issues.I suggest you go see a shrink.”

Ouch! That was totally under the belt!!And cheap!!
Or so Rohit thought. No one likes to be reminded of bitter truths. Even when they are so obviously apparent to oneself and also to everybody else. He started typing again.

“Ms. Crankita Ogre-wala,please do mind your language.All our chat conversations get recorded,you know.If you have the guts not to chicken out,why don’t we just meet mano-a-mano and see this to the finish?What say?Food Court,in front of the Amul Counter @ 4 PM?Or do you just prefer to shout and rant @ people from the safety of your chat window?”

“Pah!!Challenge accepted!!!See u sharp @ 4.Just bring along a fresh pair of undies along.You are gonna shit in your pants!!I am gonna make u!!!”

Some wild untamed Amazon she was!Rohit felt a bit intimidated,and yet strangely aroused.

Little did he know,their meeting was about to change his life upside down.

To be continued….

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