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A long time ago.

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Light sabers

In a galaxy far, far away.

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Yoda

DO or DO NOT. There is no TRY.

Darth Vader

No, I'm your father.

Villains

You don't know the power of the dark side.

The Force Awakens

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X-Wing Fighter

Long live the Rebel Alliance.

February 25, 2012

Sorry,Princess.......

Life used to be simple once.Good and bad were easy to decide.I was always the good one.My parents were always the right ones.Anybody who hurt me or worked against the interests of my parents was the baddie.But then I grew up and everything became muddled up.I started questioning.Asking for answers.They say-you can only find the answers you seek when you start asking the right questions.I have been asking the same set of questions for so long.But the answers...they keep eluding me.One question keeps popping up every now and then.Am I a good person?
I am so damn selfish that I can only think of myself.Even when someone else is passing through a difficult time,all I can think of is how she is treating me.Even when I claim to ( or do I just fool myself here?) understand her,I go right ahead and act like the self-centered prick I have always been.I blame the whole world for being mean,and yet here I am,resorting to petty meanness just because my fragile ego has been slighted.


She says she is a simple girl,nothing 'unique' like the way I consider her to be.I don't care if she is unique or not.All I know is she is
creative and smart.She is attracted to sad things and fears doing the wrong thing;she is an observer,she is avoidant,she fears drawing attention to self.She is anxious,she is cautious, somewhat easily frightened.She is easily offended, she is private,she is easily hurt.She is socially uncomfortable, emotionally moody and does not like to be looked at.She is fearful, she is a perfectionist;I fear she can sabotage self, she is so vulnerable that she can be wounded at the core.She values solitude, she is guarded, she does not like crowds,she second guesses self,  focuses on peoples hidden motives.She is prone to crying, she is not competitive,she is prone to feelings of loneliness, she is not spontaneous, she is prone to sadness.She longs for a stabilizing relationship, fears rejection in relationships, frequently worried, can feel victimized, prone to intimidation.She is so strict with herself that her hands gets covered in her own blood.She is not perfect.She is just human.
"
Nobody will forget your faults and consider them as only mistakes done unintentionally on your part..Nobody will perk you up from bad hope ..Nobody will bother to make you stand up from a bad fall.. Nobody sees the individual in you who is also an insecure and a frightened soul.."...these are her words...
And these.."
 Others never understand you.Only you can understand what your heart desires.She gave away social life and started living her life her way.She began to cherish the other half of her face she liked looking at.She looks beautiful everyday.In the mirror.In her mind.She realized no man will ever see the beauty of the other side of her face..as they are all stuck up on the wrong side."

I realize perfectly what Bruno Mars is trying to say when he sings-


When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would changeCause you're amazing, just the way you areAnd when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a whileBecause girl you're amazing, just the way you are(yeah)

And to think,I just met her hardly a month back.Just talked a few times.No,I am not deluding myself.I just respect and admire her for who she is.I hope ..desperately hope...she finds the happiness she so desperately seeks.I hope her knight comes and picks her up from the castle,slaying all the dragons,monsters,ogres and baddies along the way.I wish the person she ultimately ends up with can do all that and more.'Coz she deserves all that...and more.I wish I could tell her all this.I can never bring myself to say all this to her without sounding corny.
But now it is too late.
For some weird reason,another Bruno Mars song is playing in my MP3 player in an endless loop-

'Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain'

Wishing her lover/bf/husband/soul-mate feels the same way about her.......Nothing less would do justice to her..

Reactions:

16 comments:

  1. What a sweet thought that is... The last line.
    I feel the hurt.... If this is real, I wish you feel better soon, I hope you get over it soon... For everyone deserves happiness..

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  2. Lovely writing Rahul, you have described the characters well. We all are alike in our joys and sorrows, insecurities and vulnerabilities perhaps, yet at the same time, we are different from each other according to our level of compassion, perception and acceptance. Every person that we meet in life, good or bad, teaches us something and makes us a little wiser than before. So , whichever side we are in , the princess or the scribe, there is a life lesson for all of us !

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  3. Am speechless after reading this. You couldn't have put it better.

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  4. @PeeVee™I will get over it.I just hope she finds the happiness she needs.

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  5. @SanghamitraYes...you expressed it quite beautifully...But you know something,despite what she says....she will be always 'unique' to me....

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  6. The best writing comes out when one bares his/her soul. Your princess/scribe series was very good but I somehow didn't like the way you hid behind characters.Maybe that's because my life has always been such an open book that I can't stand others' privacy.Anyway,I'm sorry for whatever happened.You're strong.You'll come out a winner,I know.God bless you both.
    P.S.You still say you're 'selfish'?Then I'd really like to meet someone you call selfless.

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  7. The last line pricked my heart in ways it shouldnt be.
    This was so heart wrenchingly beautiful!
    If the woman you so poignantly described exists, then they one angel!

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  8. Awww this is so damn perfect. I wish you would tell her though because trust me, there is no better way than telling. Take my word for it! I have been there and I am telling you from experience :) And the feelings expressed here were so beautiful. Like someone I dearly love said "The worst kind of goodbyes are the ones left unsaid". This is one of your most sentimental posts, I've ever read! Love it! :)

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  9. @Soumi i am selfish....only thinking about my petty interests.........:( and yeah i hide behind my characters....everyone's life isnt as happy as urs.....so they keep it out of the spotlight... Thanks for ur wishes...i am good.......:)

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  10. @Red Handed ohhh she is very real and she exists all right...and yep.....you are right abt the other thing u said abt her too...tho she will vehemently deny it...:)

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  11. @DawnZhang thank u so very much......now wen are u coming back to blogging?:)

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  12. I haven't read this post. First things first. will get back and read the post in a while. :)

    I have awarded you "The Liebster Award" here. http://www.audereagereauferre.blogspot.in/2012/02/back-to-pavilion.html

    I know this must not be too big an achievement for you, but i'm also sure this gesture must have made you happy. :)
    Spread the virus! :D

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  13. For once, i wish this was fiction. :l

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