Beach Lame-o-nade II

The following is an entry for The Lakme Diva Blogger Contest.Look,I know I ain't gonna win it,okay?:-D But anyway,I thought I owed it to myself to at least complete the story from where I left off last week.Please do visit their FB page here.:-)Just for a heads-up,Kyra is Lakme's Sunshine girl!And in case you haven't read Part I,you can go here.

Okay.That's it from my side.Peace out.

Kyra: Ok. So how exactly can a jerk of a guy convince a girl that he is the nice, sensitive kind?

Me: It’s simpler than you think.

Kyra: Oh really?

Me: Totally. Your friend Anjee, who fell for that ass Suyash, was totally duped by that guy. He didn’t suddenly change or anything. He was what he was all along. He just managed to sucker you people well enough.

Kyra (vexed): Sucker us? And you think that’s so easy?

Me (nonchalantly): Why not? I mean, to appear warm, caring, sensitive and all that, all that a guy has to say is things like........“I LOVE children. I adore them. And the amazing thing is, there is SOOO much you can learn from them.”............ Or “I really don’t care what a woman looks like, as long as her inner beauty shines through.”(Kyra looks at me with a bemused expression)............ Or even “I spent a year working with retarded people. It really helped me grow.” You just have to have her fooled.

Kyra (smiling): Ok hotshot! So what if she wants her man macho?

Me (corners of my mouth turning up into a crooked smile): Simple. Just reverse the earlier statements. Like “They oughta just takeall the retards out and shoot them.”

Kyra breaks out into a laugh.

Me (smirking): Pretty elementary stuff.

Kyra dips her hands into the lake water and splashes some at me. Naughtily pouting all the time. My hands are pulling and heaving the oars of the row boat. So that rules out returning the favour.

Kyra (sighing satisfactorily, soaking in the cheerful sun’s rays): A sexy breeze and lazy fun. A relaxing boat ride in the sun.

Me: Congratulations. You made that rhyme.

Kyra (her naughty smile sitting pretty on her lips again): Why thank you. You know sometimes you have me fooled that you might actually be a nice guy. Say...by the way...is there any more faux-sensitive pick-up lines I should be careful about?

Me: Do I get to go on a dinner date with you if I tell you?

Kyra: Haww! You slimy slick bastard!! I already consented to this boat ride with you, didn’t I?

Me (rolling eyes):  Oh boy! I open up the Pandora’s Box of pick-up lines for her and what do I get? A cold heartless insult. Inner beauty. So frighteningly rare these days.

Kyra (with arms crossed over her chest):  You can totally get on a girl’s nerves, do you know that? Like last week, you annoyed the hell out of me in front of that gal Shruti. And now.....

Me: Last week I finished it off with a delightful margarita and a befitting compliment. That should have totally wiped my Karmic slate clean.

Kyra (overtly sarcastic): Right! Like that margarita washing down my throat was totally washing your conscience clean too.

Me: We are arguing like a geriatric married couple.

Kyra: Hmmphhh! A loyal hubby would bring some flowers to his wife to apologize.

Me: And a good wife would make some nice cool sherbet for her over-strained hubby in this summer. (I point to the oars in my hand)

Kyra: I would rather file for a divorce.

Me: Good. On the way to the lawyer, pick up some iced tea and triple-scoop sundae for me.

Kyra bursts out laughing again. I can’t resist joining in.

Kyra (leaning towards me, her face inches away from mine, a playful sparkle in her eye): Ok, hotshot. Say if I do agree to go on another date with you. Totally hypothetically. What would we do? Another boat-ride? ‘Coz you gotta bring something better than that.

Me:  Hmm. Spend a lazy day lounging on the beaches. Have a wonderful moonlit picnic in the night. Just think, the waves crashing in your ear, stars in your eyes, warm sand on your skin. And we will top that with some great food!

Kyra (her eyes squinting wickedly): Hmm. Sounds sexy. But I got higher standards.

Me:How about sitting in the park under a shady tree with us reading poetry to each other?

Kyra(sneering): Lame!Poetry and me? That would be a disaster.

You are poetry in motion, I think.How could that possibly be a disaster?

Me: Say..random question. If 'like' is the opposite of 'dislike',is 'aster' the opposite of 'disaster'? Aster.Like total bliss.Like you go to a place where you could see the city lights.While playing soft instrumental music.Then having her very close in your arms.Just hug and nibble on her earlobe and whisper to her that she really means a lot to you.And that it wouldn't be heaven on earth without her.Totally ‘aster’.

Kyra just smiles a sphynx-like smile and looks away.

Me(muttering under my breath): Guess she definitely ain't feeling the 'aster'.

Kyra (suddenly turning towards me):Ok.Nine o clock.Tonight.But where would we go?(She cocks her head to one side,challenging me) I like surprises.

Me(corners of my lips twisting up into a smile again): Leave that to me.

Kyra: Ok.So tell me.

Me: What?

Kyra: The other pick-up line to watch out for. You said you would tell me if I agree on the date,remember?

Me: Oh dear! You make me sound like a walking encyclopaedia of pick-up routines.

Kyra: You can't back out now,hotshot!

Me: Ok.This technique is most effective when demonstrated first-hand.When a guy and his date walks by a beggar,the guy hands him a hundred rupee note.Believe me,losing the hundred is totally worth it.And the guy tells to the poor man,sounding as concerned as he can,"Don't spend it on booze.Buy yourself a good meal or something.Ok?" And the guy tries not to look too pleased with himself.That would be like..(and I can't help smirking here).. the kiss-of-death for any would-be saint.The girl might be touched enough by his generosity and kindness to let him touch her later on.

Kyra (her eyes glistening with mischievous delight): Wicked! You are so goddamn wicked!!

Me: I am just glad you are not blaming my entire gender by calling it wicked.

Kyra (her sphynx-like smile back on her lips): Let's see what nine o' clock brings tonight,shall we?

Nine-fifteen in the night....

Kyra (a little miffed): Please tell me what exactly are we doing in the elevator of a thirty-storey building?

Me: This is the tallest building I could make arrangements for.

Kyra: Arrangements for what?

Me (winking at her): I thought you liked surprises.

Kyra (her arms crossing over her chest again): This better be good,Rahul! I don't like disappointments.

Me: And I don't make a living out of disappointing women who ooze confidence,sensuality and good breeding.So don't sweat it.

Kyra (shaking her head resignedly): Words.Words.Words.Are you related to Wordsworth in any way?
Me: I told you words and I share a connection.
Kyra: Whatever you say,Wordsworth.By the way,that's a pretty big bag you are carrying there.What's in there?

Me(smiling): A bag full of suprises.

We reach the roof. The place had an elevated sightseeing platform technically called an observation deck. As Kara looks at me curiously,I unpack my bag.I bring out a red tablecloth, two red candles and candlesticks, and a bottle of champagne. I finally bring out my Ipod and speakers. Kyra's eyes grow wide while she looks at the city and the stars from so high above. I set up the tablecloth and everything and start some soft music.

Me: Enjoying the starry skies?

Kyra (looking stunned and awed): This is just so...

Me (smiling teasingly): Surprising?

Kyra's cheeks turn crimson. She lowers her eyes for a moment.

Kyra (her voice considerably softer now): You know,Rahul. When I was this little kid running around in puppy dog braids,I always used to picture this.This....laying on the rooftop at night.Finding the stars and constellations together.While I and that someone are...(she lowers her eyes again).. cuddling in each other's arms.

Me (pulling her face up softly and looking deep into her eyes): A mid-summer night's dream,huh?And what if that someone had something to say about all this?

Kyra: What?

Me:Ohh,you know,the usual corny stuff.Like when he is with you he feels like he is on top of the world.And this..thirty storeys up.. is the closest he could get.

Kyra: Don't you ever get tired of your sarcasm,Mr.Manners?

Me:Care to dance?

As we dance and hold each other,Kyra suddenly starts laughing.I pull away surprised.

Me (puzzled): What?

Kyra (still fighting to control her laughter): Ok.How many gals did you run this routine on?

Me (pretending to think): Umm...I dunno..I lost count after six hundred and thirty nine.

Kyra (grinning): That's not very flattering for a woman to hear.

Me: I thought gals preferred honesty.

Kyra (putting her arms around my neck):Hmmm.You aren't so bad.I have seen better,but you aren't so bad. Plus,I am feeling it.

Me: Feeling what?

Kyra (biting her lower lip as she smilingly looks at my eyes):The 'aster'.Definitely feeling the 'aster.'

~The End~

P.S. I just realized one week back that I haven't written a rom-com in a very very long time. My next story will probably be a gory,violent one. So before that, I thought of dabbling with my favorite genre a bit.I hope you had fun reading this.Special thanks to Lakme for gifting me a super-feisty gorgeous girl to have as a heroine for my lame story.Anyways...adios!!!!!:-)